We went to see Tristan + Isolde the other night. OK, first a disclaimer: I love watching films and as such I have no problem admitting to enjoying films that would be regarded by most (including me, sometimes) as crappy. As such, I was entertained by Tristan + Isolde for the hour and a half or so that I was in the cinema. But at the same time, my love of films doesn’t blind me to the deficiencies of the films that I watch and there were plenty of those in T+I.

First, the bizarre plot embellishment that had the Irish ruling the English with a fist of steel and a healthy dose of divide and conquer. I mean, what the fuck was that all about?

Secondly, Isolde reading John Donne. Again, what the fuck? Ignoring the fact that Isolde probably wouldn’t have been able to read and that the printing press hadn’t been invented and that books – which were produced by hand – were pretty much limited to fancy reproductions of the Bible, Donne lived hundreds of years after the period in which this film was set!

Besides those two points, the film was a little lacklustre. It’s directed by Kevin Reynolds, who was behind The Count of Monte Cristo and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. But whereas both of those films are fun*, this film just plain isn’t. It’s lovely to look at, the battle scenes are well-choreographed and the acting – particularly Rufus Sewell and Bronagh Gallagher – is quite good. James Franco, as Tristan, was a bit dull and spent most of the film being mopey and surly. Sophia Myles, as Isolde, was great. That annoying kid out of Love Actually was in it at the start. My hopes were dashed, however, when I discovered that he was playing Tristan as a child and there was therefore no chance of him getting whacked.

* Yeah, I think Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is fun. Yeah, it’s stupid and yeah, Kevin Costner sucks but the film is still fun. Alan Rickman alone is worth the price of admission.